I’ve started this post countless times and have edited and rewrote it so much I decided to say fuck it, delete everything, and just enter whatever comes out of my brain now.
This photo is a kind of mind fuck for me. I was scrolling through my digital photos looking for landscapes when this caught my eye. I posted it on a few social sites without any commentary and was somewhat surprised that people liked it. Of course that makes sense – I mean look at where I am, its freaking stunning. But me in that moment? I was on the verge of tears. I was in the throes of my worst depression and I floated back and forth between being completely numb and experiencing the worst emotional pain I had ever felt. Looking at this photo it instantly takes me back to that place where instead of enjoying the beauty I was struggling not to throw myself into the ocean. I would guess that to most people this is just a pretty snapshot, but for me it’s a reminder of the worst pain I’ve experienced. Looking at it is odd because while I do feel a connection I also feel disassociated as if I am looking at someone else.
Hmmm. I don’t know if I’m expressing anything I wanted to say but fuck it. I’m not spending any more time analyzing my screwed up past, now I’m just trying to create my present.
peace, love, and good booze ~ chase
